So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
