I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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