Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
