so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
