he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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