im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
