I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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