jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
