i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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