Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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