you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
