it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
