We're like a lot better than the average bears
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
