You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
