Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
