sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
