guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
