best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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