Sober January is a disaster.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
