The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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