I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
