you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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