i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
