Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
