i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
