So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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