so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
