it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
