I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
