she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Ladies don't puke and tell
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