apparently the secret to your success is patron
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
