He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
