I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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