let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
