you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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