Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
