we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
