I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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