I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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