apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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