I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
