I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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