Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
