she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
