I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
