I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
