My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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