my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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