4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I am midnight drunk by noon
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
