I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I think I just shit out all my problems.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
