Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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