Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
