your parents love me but you hate me
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
