birth control should be required to get into college
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
