So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
